omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
