it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
