Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
