Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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