Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
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