I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
