People in love make me want to vomit
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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