Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
