some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
His nipple licking is glorious
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