Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
