So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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