god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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