Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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