We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
