He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
