The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
