Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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