dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
