I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
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