i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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