as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
