I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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