Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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