Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
