so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
