your thong is hanging out like whoa
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
