You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
