Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
