Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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