I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
