47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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