I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
