Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
this is an emotional support booty call
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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