in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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