And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
her facebook's as public as her vagina
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
