I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
