All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
