Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
