In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
