He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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