I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
