I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
