Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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