ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
