i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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