Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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