New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
