dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I still have a little drunk in my system
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
