Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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