so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We left the knife in your bed.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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