At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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