I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
