White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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