Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
